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CHAPTER 4
We don't talk for about two miles. Traffic is heavy on Moreland and Dekalb avenues, so Sage is busy calling verbal signals. Slowing, stopping, lane changes: each action requires a call from Sage, and then I provide the corresponding hand signal. After we turn off Dekalb and onto Atlanta's only bicycle trail to begin our cruise toward Stone Mountain, she starts to explain her method by which one can correctly identify the direction for one's life.
Sage's Journal
May 21, 1988
Decatur, GA
…this method has served me well since college when I had to sort out so many decisions for myself. My only regret is that I didn't know about it when I was in high school. Had I known of it when I was Peter's age, I believe I would've made fewer mistakes and avoided wasting a couple of years. … I'll have to dig out some of my old journals some day, particularly the ones where I first wrote all this stuff down, and read them to Peter.
Sage's Journal
Age 20
Atlanta, GA
…modern science says that one's personality is developed by age seven to ten. We might reinvent ourselves in later years, but the experts claim one's core personality is established by an early age. … This is good news, because even a teenager can accurately determine a direction for their life and make other important decisions. For a foster teen, this is especially good news. Now, instead of fearing the future, they can plan for a successful transition and adulthood before they age out.
Sage's Journal
Age 20
Atlanta, GA
…because my core personality is already developed, I can determine my core interests-those things that inherently interest me and which I enjoy. When I pursue a direction in life based on my core interests, and I have at least average ability in those areas, I'm well on my way to a successful adulthood. … All of us have interests, and all of us have abilities. We have to be careful to rely upon both to make important decisions, because sometimes our abilities don't match our core interests.
Sage explains the importance of this interest/ability combination with an example: Suppose you have a core interest in basketball, but lost a leg in an automobile collision. A professional basketball team is not likely to hire you as a player. The loss of your leg should not stop you from playing basketball with your friends or working for a professional basketball team in some other capacity, but hoping to be a professional basketball player is likely to be a waste of time and a source of personal disappointment.
Sage's Journal
Age 20
Atlanta, GA
…and often our natural abilities do match our core interests. Where we have strong abilities, there often lies a core interest that, if uncovered and understood, will help us make excellent life decisions. … For example, I am good at drawing, am intrigued by construction sites, and enjoy building even small things. These facts indicate I have core interests and possible abilities in architecture, engineering, or construction.
Sage's Journal
Age 20
Atlanta, GA
…determining core interests begins with making three lists: an accomplishment list, an activity list, and an aspiration list. Finding the common ground in these three lists will identify my core interests, which I can use to wisely determine the general direction of my life. Understanding my core interests will also provide an internal compass by which I can make other good decisions as I mature.
"Does this overview make sense?" Sage asks as we wait at a red light.
I'm thinking of the beads of sweat rolling down my back and hoping the incense doesn't get wet, and then I remember it's safe in the plastic bag, so I answer. "Uh-huh, I think so. You want me to make some lists, and from the lists figure out who I am."
"Not quite," she corrects me. "I want you to make three lists and figure out which interests show up in all three lists. The interests that show up in every list, the repeated interests, are your core interests. It's from those core interests that you can figure out who you are."
The light turns green. We clip in and return to pedaling. "Make sense?" she asks again.
"Uh-huh, car back."
The signal "car back" is called when a car is approaching from behind. It's a warning to pay attention behind you and get ready for a car to pass. Three cars quickly pass us.
"Thanks. All right," she continues, "now let's talk about the lists themselves."
Sage's Journal
Age 20
Atlanta, GA
An accomplishment list sounds self-explanatory, but it's not just a list of completed tasks. It's a list of those things I enjoyed doing that provided a sense of self-expression, self-fulfillment or self-confidence. The accomplishment list is about identifying who I am through past events.
…I'm in no hurry to create the accomplishment list. I just write as I replay all my good memories. … It's fun. … I'm not writing a long explanation of each accomplishment, only a sentence or two.
Sage's Journal
Age 20
Atlanta, GA
I must keep reminding myself that not all accomplishments take place at school or work. Flair, talent, and ability are revealed whenever and wherever there's an opportunity, so I'm searching all areas of my past for accomplishments. … I also include those accomplishments that came easily, because doing something easily might indicate a natural talent. Natural abilities often flow effortlessly, so accomplishments won't necessarily have felt difficult.
Sage's Journal
Age 20
Atlanta, GA
…I'm not listing only those accomplishments that impressed other people. I'm including activities where I overcame frustration and difficulty, as these are also indications of my abilities. … I'm not worrying about order either. What happened at age eleven is as significant as what I accomplished yesterday.
"Peter," she exhales, "give me examples of what your accomplishment list would include."
I use the terry-cloth side of my glove to push back my helmet and wipe the sweat from my face. Then I adjust the helmet and replace my grip before I reply. "Tandem cycling, because I like working together to go faster and farther than I could riding by myself. I also like listening to mystery movies, because I like figuring them out before everyone else. And I like playing Clue, because I get the answers fast and win."
"Good. What else?"
"I don't know. I like gardening. I like a lot of things. It takes a while to think of them."
"Yeah, it does. Well, after you complete your accomplishment list, you'll need to study each description and label each with a generic name. A generic name is broad and general but includes the particular accomplishment. Also, for reasons I'll explain, label each accomplishment with the number one. Then take a pair of scissors, cut out each accomplishment, and sort them into piles according to the name you give each description."
How does she expect me to do that, I wonder? Before I get the words out, she answers. "Of course, I can help you with the writing, cutting, and sorting."
"What kind of names should I use on my accomplishment list?" I ask.
"If I were you, so far I'd label tandem cycling 'cooperation,' because that's the aspect you like; I'd label watching mystery movies and playing Clue 'problem-solving,' because that's the skill involved; and label gardening 'agriculture,' because you didn't say what you liked about gardening, but that's the broadest term I know that includes gardening."
"How'd you pick those names?"
"It depends," she replies. "I picked words that identify the reason you like the accomplishment, or the skill involved, or just the broadest name I could think of that includes the accomplishment. It just depends, but usually you pick a name that matches the reason you like the accomplishment."
Sage's Journal
Age 20
Atlanta, GA
…my accomplishment list uses past events to help me define myself, but what about the present? I've learned I can use the present to define myself by preparing an activity list.
…the activity list further defines core interests by identifying the ways I like or want to spend my time. Preparing the activity list takes a little more imagination than making the accomplishment list, but it's also more fun.
I began by pretending I'm rich. No problem there. In my fantasy world, I don't have to work for money, although I still have to do something with my time. … I think of all those activities that I like and that provide a sense of self-expression, self-fulfillment, or self-confidence. Ideally the activities I choose are productive. That is, they benefit me and others.
Sage's Journal
Age 20
Atlanta, GA
…even though I'm pretending to be rich, the activity list isn't about money. It's about freedom-the freedom to do what I enjoy. Whether we recognize it or not, most of us wish we were rich because we want to be free, not because we just want money. Most of us falsely believe money allows us to live a life we can enjoy, when in truth we can create the life we desire at little cost. … The focus on making money to buy our freedom misses the mark entirely, because amassing and keeping a fortune is a difficult and rare feat that doesn't guarantee freedom. Meanwhile, freedom, which is attainable, slips through our grasp as we spend all our time pursuing the wrong goal.
…my activity list helps identify my road to freedom despite my lack of resources. By determining what I like to do with my time, I can plan how to incorporate those goals in my life, rather than just daydream of doing them.
Sage's Journal
Age 20
Atlanta, GA
I'm preparing the activity list like the accomplishment list. A sentence or two describing each activity is all that's necessary. Then I'm labeling each description, trying to use the same generic names I did for the accomplishment list. … This time, I identify each of these by labeling them with the number two. I'll sort each activity description into a pile according to its name, keeping the accomplishment piles (labeled 1) separate from the activity piles (labeled 2).
"So," Sage asks, "what would your activity list include?"
I answer easily, because I daydream about this stuff all the time. "Cycling back roads across Georgia, and even the whole country, because city rides deal with too many cars. Solving crimes too, because I think that'd be cool. My list would include graduating college, because it seems everybody who is important graduated college, and I want to be important someday."
We don't speak for about a minute. Maybe she's thinking. "Do you need to be rich to do any of these things?" she finally asks.
"Uh-huh," I reply. "To go across country and to go to college."
"I disagree. Those things cost money you might not have right now. In fact, you'll probably have to borrow money for college no matter how much you save. But you definitely don't have to be rich to do those things, because they don't require an extraordinary amount of money."
I am ready for a little bit of arguing, so I shoot her my response. "Being rich is still best."
"NO!" she fires back. "I'll agree that by being rich, you can own more stuff than if you aren't rich. And I'll agree being rich just might let you buy your freedom if you aren't already free. But freedom is best. And if you have your freedom, which is attainable, then you don't have to be rich, which is rarely attainable. Rather than concentrate on money, concentrate on choosing a direction for your life where you can earn at least enough money to support yourself while retaining your freedom. The freedom to work at being our personal best is the immediate goal for each of us, whether or not we realize that fact."
We stop for another red traffic light and take the opportunity to down some water. Even though we are both in good condition, riding under the Georgia sun is sweaty work. Cyclists have to drink constantly or face serious dehydration. One time, Sage passed out the day after a cycle race because of dehydration. Sometimes, like now, I pour water from my bottle over my head to cool off. As quickly as the light changes, we return to riding and talking.
Sage's Journal
Age 20
Atlanta, GA
…so far, I'm relying upon my actual past and my preferred present to define myself. But I can also use the future to help me define myself by developing an aspiration list. … An aspiration list puts me in touch with my core interests by enabling me to envision the future I hope for myself. For me, the hardest part of creating my aspiration list may be freeing myself to imagine my wildest dreams, with the understanding that dreams are built on effort.
I prepare my aspiration list by imagining the future, fifty years from now. I'm leading the successful life I envision, and some movie producer wants to make a movie about me. What I want the movie to say about my life is my aspiration list. The aspiration list takes more imagination than the other two lists, but it's the most empowering, because it provides a taste of my future freedom.
…coming from, or being in, foster care doesn't label me or my life as hopeless. On the contrary, after correctly choosing and pursuing the general direction for my life, I believe the years ahead will be great.
Sage's Journal
Age 20
Atlanta, GA
As in the accomplishment and activity lists, I use only a sentence or two to describe each aspiration. … Where possible, I'm labeling each of these descriptions with the same generic names I used for the accomplishment and activity lists, and identifying these as aspirations by writing the number three on each. I'll put each aspiration into a pile according to its name, keeping the aspiration piles (labeled 3), separate from the accomplishment piles (labeled 1), and activity piles (labeled 2).
Continue with Chapter 4, Part 2
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