CHAPTER 5

Reggie is my older brother. He calls or visits me every couple of months. When he visits, he always brings me stuff or we go shopping, and he tells me about all the cool things he does. Reggie doesn't spend much time in any one city, because he's a personal security guard to famous people. Otherwise, he says, I could live with him.

Today Reggie called me from a jail in Texas, because he needs my help. He told me some people who hate him got him busted again, so it's not his fault he's in jail. But now he needs to hire a lawyer to get him out. I have some money saved, and told Reggie I would send it to him. I hung up with him and told my foster mom, Mrs. Adkins, that I need to go to the bank, take out my money, and then send it to Reggie. I explained everything to her and how my brother was counting on me to help.

Even after I explained this to her, Mrs. Adkins wouldn't take me to the bank. We yelled at each other and fought until I locked her out of my room. After a while, Mrs. Adkins told me I have another phone call. It was Sage.

Sage's Journal
June 13, 1988
Decatur, GA

This afternoon I received a call at my office from Mrs. Adkins. Mr. and Mrs. Adkins have been foster parents for about twenty years. By this time, they've probably cared for well over a hundred kids, and they're very good at their job. She was having a problem with Peter and asked if I could help smooth over hurt feelings.

…Reginald is Peter's older brother, a serious loser who visits once or twice a year when he's flush. He doesn't give a crap about Peter. Reginald simply spends money on his brother once in a while in an attempt to wash off his own guilt. Reginald calls just as often when he's in trouble, trying to pry money from Peter.

I don't trust Reginald because he lies to Peter. He's got Peter believing that he's a bodyguard for famous people, or some such bullshit, when I know for a fact he's nothing but a thief. I especially don't like Reginald because he's afraid of Peter, who is a reminder that we're all frail, and misfortune could quickly overtake us. If Reginald were a real man, he wouldn't be threatened by Peter. Instead he'd be the responsible family leader Peter so desperately wants and needs.

…Peter's Social Security checks are automatically deposited into an account that's almost inaccessible to him until he's older. Although Reginald has been told to leave Peter alone about that account, that thick-headed bastard never stops trying to squeeze money out of Peter. Mrs. Adkins can see Reginald's attempt to rip off his blind brother, even if Peter doesn't, and she's trying to protect Peter.

While I waited for Peter to get to the phone, I figured the best I could do for him is to tell the truth about Reginald, and people like Reginald, who bring problems on themselves and their family members. It's hard to face the reality of what some of our family members are really about, because we yearn so for a normal family. The problem is that we're often blind to the faults of family, even the very faults that landed us in foster care.

I run from my bedroom to the phone in the kitchen, crashing along the way, fired up to tell Sage about how Reggie called and needs my help, and that Mrs. Adkins is being a bitch, but before I finish my first sentence, Sage interrupts me.

"Peter," she says in that calm voice that drives me nuts, "Reginald is a good example of what happens when there's a break in one's knowledge/wisdom symbiosis."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" I shout. "My brother's in jail and needs my help. It's that simple. Now tell that to this woman, so she'll take me to the bank."

"Peter," Sage starts again, "listen a minute, and I will explain the real situation to you. Reginald is in jail because he got caught doing something illegal again, and nothing you can do anytime soon is going to help him."

"Uh-huh. It will," I plead. "It will. Just explain to her I need to send him some money."

Sage ignores me and continues in that voice. "Peter, I've never lied to you, and I'm not starting now. Listen carefully to what I have to say, because you need to understand what's going on in Reginald's little head. He has no knowledge/wisdom symbiosis."

Sage's end of the line is quiet for a while, and then she says, "But before I can explain Reginald specifically, you have to understand what I mean by knowledge/wisdom symbiosis."

Sage's Journal
Age 21
Atlanta, GA

…in Wiseman's philosophy class today we learned that "symbiosis" is the close relationship of two independent concepts: in this case, knowledge and wisdom. Knowledge is the possession of facts, truths or principles, while wisdom is the ability to choose which facts, truths or principles one needs to solve a particular problem. The right combination of knowledge and wisdom is necessary to make any good decision.

Sage's Journal
Age 21
Atlanta, GA

Today Wiseman said that with respect to knowledge, people may be informed, uninformed, or misinformed about any given topic. With respect to wisdom, people may be either wise or unwise in their choice of which knowledge to apply to a problem. The person who is informed about a topic is halfway to reaching a good decision. Whether an informed person actually reaches a good decision depends on his or her wisdom. … Only when a person is informed and possesses wisdom to correctly choose which information to apply to the problem at hand will he or she reach the right decision.

Sage's Journal
Age 21
Atlanta, GA

Wiseman said that attempting to make an uninformed decision is like firing a gun in the dark. Without the knowledge of where you are aimed, you have no idea of the potentially deadly results of your actions. You could injure nothing, an enemy, a friend, or yourself. … If you are uninformed, you are wiser to do nothing than to take an uncalculated risk.

The person who is misinformed is perhaps the most dangerous. People who are misinformed believe they possess the correct knowledge, when in fact they don't. … The problem is that the misinformed people can't reach a good decision, because they are not working with the right tools, namely, the right knowledge. A misinformed person who fires a gun in a room full of friends, thinking they are in a room full of enemies, is going to injure or kill some friends.

…I need to remember that the person who is uninformed, misinformed, or unwise has a break in his or her knowledge/wisdom symbiosis.

"Peter, think about Reginald and his life so far. At age sixteen, against your mother's wishes, he moved out of the house and dropped out of high school. A couple of months later, he was living on the streets. At age seventeen, he crashed three cars belonging to other people. Over the next seven years, he was thrown out of the Navy, has served jail time for robbery, and has been arrested for attempted murder."

"Those weren't his fault," I argue, trying to defend Reggie.

"It's not that Reginald isn't worth caring about," she continues as she ignores my pleas. "The problem is that he makes bad decisions that have harmful consequences, and it doesn't appear he's going to change. Just by examining his life, you can tell he's uninformed or misinformed about most things, and he lacks wisdom. Reginald has a major break in his knowledge/wisdom symbiosis. Peter, if what I'm telling you weren't true, he'd make different choices, choices that didn't burden him or you. He can certainly be rescued, but Reginald can't be rescued through money. He's only going to be able to rescue himself by acquiring knowledge and wisdom. Do you understand this so far?"

"What I understand is that my brother's in jail and needs help to get out," I shout into the phone, certain that I'm surrounded by idiots who don't understand that all he needs is some money, and he will be fine.

"I understand," she responds in an even calmer and more annoying voice, "but one step at a time. Right now, do you or do you not understand what I've said so far?"

"I understand."

"Then here is the last part of the Reginald puzzle. You're not in a position to rescue him, because you simply can't offer him the knowledge and wisdom he needs to make adult decisions. At your age, not being knowledgeable or wise isn't your fault, and Reginald isn't your responsibility. His problems are not your problems, except that you suffer along with him sometimes. At least right now, you can't save him any more than you could have saved your mother."

She did not have to say that. I inhale and hold my breath but can't stop the tears. I was eight years old the night my mom was killed in our apartment. Her boyfriend shot her during an argument about some rent money he owed. At the sound of the gunshot I ran and hid in a closet, and a neighbor called the police. I did not come out until the police found me hours later. My dad had left a few years earlier, and Reggie was gone too. Everyone says I did the right thing, because I was too young to do otherwise. But I feel like I was a coward that night, because I did not try to protect my mom. Maybe if I tried to protect her, she would be alive, and I wouldn't be in foster care.

"I'm so sorry, Peter," Sage whispers. "I didn't have to mention your mother. I really am sorry. But you're back in the same situation, except this time it's Reginald's own doing and not someone else's. You're just not in a position to rescue him, and it's not your fault. It's not even your problem. In order to make a good decision about how to deal with Reginald, you have to be informed. Now that you're informed, I hope you understand he needs help you simply can't offer. Mrs. Adkins understands that your money won't help Reginald fix his real problems, and that's why she won't take you to the bank."

We talk a little more and then hang up. I don't like what she said about Reggie, but I don't know what else to do. Mrs. Adkins promises to call the number Reggie left and explain that she will not let me get the money. I find my way to our back door and then to the swing set in our back yard. I sit and swing for a long time, pretending that I'm rocking in the arms of my parents, and that I'm very, very far away.

Sage's Journal
June 13, 1988
Decatur, GA

…I didn't return to work right away but wondered what Peter was thinking. The right answer, the best decisions, the truth, all of these are usually difficult to determine, particularly when you're a teenager in foster care. But if he remembers today's lesson, he'll soon realize that the more relevant knowledge he acquires and the more wisdom he develops, the more successful he'll be, simply because he'll be empowered to make good decisions.

In my experience, making the right decisions is the entire secret to a successful life. … A magical power is hidden in the right answer, the best decision, or the truth. It's the power that protects its holder from the mistakes and troubles of the common person. It's the power that could rescue Reginald, and it's the power that could guide Peter out of foster care and into a successful adulthood. It's also more valuable than money and free for the asking; acquiring the ability to make good decisions just takes some studying and some practice.

Sage's Journal
June 14, 1988
Decatur, GA

I didn't sleep well last night. At about three o'clock, I sat straight up, struck with a revelation. … Something I thought about yesterday after hanging up with Peter. "It's the power that could guide Peter out of foster care and into a successful adulthood." Of course! I wonder why I didn't see it earlier.

I'm not Peter's superhero. I can't cast a spell and make everything in his life perfect. My real job as a mentor is more than just helping him prepare to age out; it's to help him become his own hero. I can do that only by teaching him knowledge and wisdom. He needs adult guidance to make a smooth transition from foster care, but more important, he needs knowledge and wisdom. DAMN! This is much more than I bargained for! How do I teach a teenager knowledge and wisdom?

Socratic Method questions for Chapter 5

Understanding the Guide