CHAPTER 7, PART 2

"Kid, do you know what the word licentious means?" Mr. L'bleak asks.

"Uh-uh, I haven't heard that word before."

"A licentious person doesn't honor even the most basic legal or moral restraints. They lie, cheat, steal, or kill without much of a second thought. You know what I mean?"

"Uh-huh, I haven't heard that word before," I repeat.

"Then," says Mr. L'bleak, "I'll explain licentiousness by telling you about Gary Thornton.* Now that was one sick son of a bitch."

Sage's Journal
July 23, 1988
Talladega, AL

Gary was born and grew up in the Pocono Mountains. He lived a middle-class life with his parents and sisters until he was in second grade. Gary's father was killed that winter in an automobile wreck while traveling home from work. His mother held herself and her family together for about two years before turning to alcohol. She turned out to be a mean drunk who singled out Gary to receive the brunt of her rage.

In the beginning, his mother mistreated Gary in the ways that are almost universal today. At first she yelled and screamed, or slapped Gary for whatever reason came to mind. As she spent more of her time drunk, she began to beat Gary. Because she was a big woman and he was a small boy, she was able to physically control him until he was a teen. Gary was able to tolerate his mother's yelling and beatings, but not her sexual abuse.

Afraid that his family would be totally destroyed if he told anyone, he quietly endured his mother's abuses for years. During that time, Gary learned to hate his mother, his dead father, himself, and then everyone around him. Unwilling to seek help and unable to cope with his home life, Gary started expressing his own rage.

At first he captured, tortured, and killed neighborhood animals. After neighbors accused Gary of being responsible for their missing pets, he volunteered at the animal shelter, where he had an endless supply of new victims. He also turned to bullying smaller children. After his sophomore year in high school, Gary was big enough to fend off his mother, so the sexual and physical abuse ended. But it was too late: Gary was a predator who knew no social or moral boundaries.

His sophomore year in high school was also the year Gary got a job at a nearby recreation camp for handicapped boys and girls. The beauty of this job, in Gary's view, was that many of the campers were mentally handicapped. Gary spent his high school holidays and summers working there.

The first summer, Gary worked as a dishwasher and waiter. That summer, a young girl fell off the dock and drowned in the lake, still strapped to her wheelchair. She was the first person to die at that camp.

The second summer, Gary worked as an assistant camp counselor. That summer, a blind boy fell into a campfire and was burned over most of his upper body. Six months later, once the boy could speak again, he told his parents someone pushed him into that fire. That same summer, a teenage girl hanged herself. The police thought it was a suicide. The next year, during the Christmas break, two girls and a boy all accused Gary of attempting to rape them. He beat the rape charges and moved to New York City.

For the next nine years, Gary spent his days working as an orderly at a hospital in Queens and his nights working the streets. He almost lost count of how many patients, some babies, he helped to an early death. He was careful to use different methods each time to avoid being detected. He also lose count of how many sexual encounters he had with men, women, and runaway teens. He knew, of course, that along the way he'd contracted syphilis and hepatitis, but didn't know or care how many people he infected. What Gary also didn't know, until after his arrest and imprisonment for the torture and killing of an immigrant girl, was that he was HIV positive.

Gary's diagnosis was during the early days of the AIDS epidemic. Because he was a predator, no one had an interest in comforting him. Also, because he was a prisoner strapped to a hospital bed, he had no opportunity to speed up his own death. A shrunken and diseased parasite, he squirmed through his last tormented weeks screaming and cursing. Any of the nurses or doctors could have taken him out of his misery with a quick injection, but rumor was they preferred to see him suffer for what he'd done to so many others.

"I could spend all day on Gary and the lessons you can learn from that loser's life," Mr. L'bleak says, "but you're starting to sound smart enough to figure most of them out yourself. I do want you to understand that just because Gary was abused, that doesn't necessarily explain why he was so evil. Many of us are abused as kids and work through it to become normal adults. Look at Sage. No, the root of Gary's evil was that he didn't respect normal moral boundaries."

Mr. L'bleak is silent as he lights another cigarette. This time I can smell the sulfur from the burning match and wonder what he means by "look at Sage." While it's noisy around us, I'm so focused I'm sure that I can hear the cigarette burn as he takes long drags.

"Kid," Mr. L'bleak exhales, "do you have a personal philosophy?"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm asking if you have a personal creed or set of rules you live by?"

"Uh-uh."

"Then you need to develop one, and the right one. If you don't you can bet your ass you'll wind up in here."

"I'll take it here, Simon. Peter," Sage begins, "a set of rules you live by, a moral structure, includes those things you allow yourself to do and those things you forbid yourself to do."

"Yeah, what's smart and what's stupid," says Mr. L'bleak.

Sage continues, "Parents are also supposed to teach their children a moral structure. One way of teaching is to explain rules for behavior and punish the child if they break those rules."

"Except that many foster kids aren't in one place long enough to learn between right and wrong, so they grow up without any moral structure," Mr. L'bleak adds.

"Right," she says, "which is partly why we're talking with you. Even though my immediate interest is in helping you make a smooth transition out of foster care, at some point I want to help you develop a moral structure."

"Right now, I can only give you examples of what not to do," Mr. L'bleak responds.

"And that's fine," Sage tells him. "We'll take help wherever we can get it."

"Who's going to help him with what is right?"

"Gabriel," she says.

"Who?" I jump in.

“"Another friend," Sage replies, followed by another long silence.

"Good man," Mr. L'bleak says softly, ending the silence. "We're friends now, we write occasionally."

"I know."

"I bet you do."

"Hey, who is he?" I ask again.

"He's a damn rabbi in Macon, can you believe that, Sage?" Mr. L'bleak replies. "And you're in for a damn experience," he says to me.

I hear the soft click of the lock and then a loud clang as the door to the room opens. The conversations around us stop. The two guards enter, and one announces that it's time for all prisoners to report to their cells. I check my watch and guess it's time for lunch. We plan to meet back in an hour.

Sage and I leave and drive to a Chick-fil-A. We talk as we eat, about Mr. L'bleak and other things. We drive back in silence. Thinking of Mr. L'bleak, I realize I'm no longer scared of him. Instead I want very much to hear him talk, as if he were a genie with a secret power, and that by listening to him I could learn to grant my own wishes.

"I've been thinking," Mr. L'bleak says to me as we three sit down for our afternoon in the meeting room. "Let's do like this: we've only got a few hours left, which ain't enough time to go into detail about the rest of the things I want to tell you. But it's enough time for me to outline the things and kinds of people that someone like you needs to avoid. Then I've got this book here I want to tell you about. After you've had some time to think about what you've heard today, if you want, we can write to each other and talk some more."

"Fine with us," Sage replies. I nod my head.

"You ready again with your journal?" he asks Sage.

"Yes."

Sage's Journal
July 23, 1988
Talladega, AL

…among humans there is a universal but misguided desire for power and wealth. Almost every person strives for more money than they need or more power than they can handle. … Some people, such as Bobby, will devise evil ways of obtaining power and wealth by robbing or killing. Others devise more subtle plans; nevertheless, those who oppress or otherwise take advantage of the poor to become rich are no different from those who outright steal and rob. …it's unfortunate that some people have prospered through evil ways.

…fools, unaware that some people have obtained their power and wealth through evil ways, may choose to follow those people in order to also obtain power and wealth. Unaware of the dangerous path they've chosen, fools eventually become oppressors, thieves, or killers themselves. …being fools, they may be unaware they've become evil, or not care as long as they receive the power and wealth they think they deserve.

Almost everyone in prison was caught in the lie that taking what we want is an easy and acceptable way of life. What we didn't realize, until it was too late, was that the evil people we envied would eventually be killed or put in jail, and that we would suffer the same fate. … So what do we in prison have to brag about? Nothing-no money, no car, no house, and no family. All that we own are some bullshit stories about crimes that do nothing more than prove how stupid we were to live without a moral structure.

…to avoid an early death or prison, you must learn to identify and avoid people and situations that can get you into serious trouble. It's almost impossible to tell the character of a person by outward appearance. … Good people may be poor, white, and ignorant, while evil people may be rich, black and smart, or vice versa. You should avoid judging people on outward appearances. Rather, to determine whether someone should be avoided, you must carefully listen to their words and carefully watch their actions. …our words and actions pierce our outward appearance to reveal our true character.

…a person who is less than accurate with the truth does not necessarily need to be avoided, but you shouldn't trust him with important matters. This type of person probably has a hidden agenda or is hiding some aspect of himself. …whatever the reason, until you understand his motivation, deal with him cautiously.

…someone who lies is simply not to be trusted. You can't trust the person who hides the truth any more than you can trust the person who falsely swears they know the truth. Both of these people are liars. … You're a fool to join a liar in his plans.

When most people hear the word "perverse," they think of sexual perversity, but to be perverse more correctly means to violate the laws of nature by turning away from what is right or good. A perverse person will make decisions that are incorrect and harmful, and often do those things that are socially offensive and legally wrong. … Bobby and Gary are both examples of perverse people. Just as the liar is revealed by her words, the perverse person is revealed by his actions. You're likewise a fool to join a perverse person in his plans.

Every just society has laws its citizens obey or risk punishment if they disobey. For example, every just society prohibits stealing among its citizens and the intentional injuring or killing of another without cause. The perverse person will try to convince you that it's all right to ignore these fundamentals of human coexistence.

…the perverse person will spin explanations and arguments, all cloaked in lies, as to why it's all right to steal. One plan might be to break into the house of an enemy: "We won't get nailed," or rob an old person: "They can't hurt us," or heist a bank: "They're insured," or con a rich person: "They can afford it." …as soon as you realize someone is trying to get your help to steal, you must distance yourself from that person and that situation. Hesitate, and you could end up dead or in prison.

…likewise, the perverse person will spin explanations and arguments, also cloaked in lies, as to why it's all right to injure or kill an innocent person. One plan might begin with kidnapping for ransom but later change to include killing: "Since they can identify us," or to ambush and beat someone: "Because they did me wrong," or cut them down: "To teach them a lesson," or to poison them: "To inherit their money." … The examples are almost endless, but because the result is the same, it's easy to spot and avoid the trap.

When I speak of a perverse person, I'm not talking about the situation where one kills another in self-defense. One day you may find yourself in a situation that requires you to kill an unprovoked attacker in order to defend yourself or your family; I'm not talking about that situation. … What I'm talking about is avoiding the perverse person who wants to plan to injure or kill someone. Prisons throughout the world are filled with men and women, some very young, who are wasting their talents and lives because they willingly associated with perverse people.

…another kind of perverse person you need to be aware of and avoid is an adulterer, a person who has sex with another's spouse. Sex with someone else's spouse, or with someone other than your own spouse, is a great way to get killed or at least ruin your life for a long time. … Adultery is so common in many societies that it no longer carries a criminal penalty. … Don't be misled into thinking that because society excuses adultery, that it isn't a dangerous situation. The first problem created by adultery is that all trust between the adulterer and the adulterer's spouse is broken. And don't think that because the adulterer's spouse isn't yet aware, that no harm has been committed. The marital trust has been broken, because the adulterer knows he's broken that trust, just as a liar knows he's lied even if he's never caught.

"Kid," Mr. L'bleak says, "I've told you about people to avoid and how to spot them. Time's running low, so I'm going to speed up by outlining the rest of what I want to say."

"Uh-huh, I understand."

"Good. Now it should be easy to avoid idiots like Bobby and Gary, because their evil is so easy to spot. Hell, for that matter you should avoid me, at least back when I was making plans to rob. But what I want to tell you now is about the less obvious kinds of crap you have to watch for and avoid."

"OK," I reply.

"And crap in someone else is still crap if it's in you."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean a character defect is crappy whether it's someone else's defect or your own. You're no less a liar, thief, or killer than any other idiot who lies, steals, or kills."

"Uh-huh, yeah. I understand."

"Trust, kid, it's all about trust. Truly powerful people understand that trust is more valuable than money." Mr. L'bleak whispers as if to emphasize the importance of his message. "How can you tell who's trustworthy? How can others tell if you're trustworthy? These are the questions I want to answer for you now."

"Tall order," Sage replies.

"Then you've forgotten where I am and what I've been doing," he snipes. "All I've been doing the last four years is sitting in my fucking cage and answering those sorts of questions."

There's an uncomfortable silence, and I can feel the tension between them. I wait for Sage to say, "I told you so," but I don't like the silence, so instead I offer, "I'm listening."

He lights another cigarette, and I hear him tap on something.

"Here," Mr. L'bleak says, "is one of my only possessions. It's an early edition of the book As a Man Thinketh by James Allen. I'll give it to if you'll swear you'll read it until you understand it, and you'll apply what it teaches."

He must be joking. He knows I'm blind. "I can't see to read," I say, and start to laugh at him.

"I'll read it to him until he has it memorized," Sage says quickly.

"Like ol' times, huh, Sage?"

"Almost. Is it the same one?"

"Yes," he replies, "and maybe he'll be a better student than I was."

"I'm sorry to tell you, he already is."

"What are you talking about?" I ask.

"Simon and I used to read this book together when we were about your age," says Sage.

"Kid," he starts, "let me introduce you to this book and maybe you won't wait as long as I did to put it to use."

Sage's Journal
July 23, 1988
Talladega, AL

It's a small and thin book, barely sixty pages. Mr. Allen wrote about things that you can certainly benefit from. Sometimes it's difficult to understand, because it's written in old-style English, but there's an amazing amount of wisdom here about the power and effect of your thoughts on your life. Simon starts by reading:

Men imagine that thought can be kept secret, but it cannot. It rapidly crystallizes into habit, and habit solidifies into circumstance. Bestial thoughts crystallize into habits of drunkenness and sensuality, which solidify into circumstances of destitution and disease. Impure thoughts of every kind crystallize into enervating and confusing habits, which solidify into distracting and adverse circumstances. Thoughts of fear, doubt, and indecision crystallize into weak, unmanly, and irresolute habits, which solidify into circumstances of failure, indigence, and slavish dependence. Lazy thoughts crystallize into weak, habits of uncleanliness and dishonesty, which solidify into circumstances of foulness and beggary. Hateful and condemnatory thoughts crystallize into habits of accusation and violence, which solidify into circumstances of injury and persecution. Selfish thoughts of all kinds crystallize into habits of self-seeking, which solidify into distressful circumstances.

Said in a modern way, there are five things about yourself you must watch: …your thoughts, because they become your words…your words, because they become your actions…your actions, because they become your habits…your habits, because they become your character…and your character, because it becomes your destiny.

…chapter one includes this important line, among many others: "[you are] the master of [your] thought, the molder of [your] character, and the maker and shaper of [your] condition, environment, and destiny." Mr. Allen is saying that your life, for better or worse, isn't determined by your present situation (and certainly not by the fact that you are a foster teen), but by the thoughts that you allow to live in your head.

…the next chapter is likewise an important chapter that'll require your complete attention. For now, I'll read you this:

A man only begins to be a man when he ceases to whine and revile, and commences to search for the hidden justice which regulates his life. As he adapts his mind to that regulating factor, he ceases to accuse others as the cause of his condition, and builds himself up in strong and noble thoughts; ceases to kick against circumstances, but begins to use them as aids to his more rapid progress, and as a means of discovering the hidden powers and possibilities within himself.

…chapter four encourages readers to determine a purpose for their lives. If Mr. Allen were writing today, I think he'd write about setting and obtaining goals. This is an important chapter for you also. Listen to these lines:

The will to do springs from the knowledge that we can do. Doubt and fear are the great enemies of knowledge, and he who encourages them, who does not slay them, thwarts himself at every step. He who has conquered doubt and fear has conquered failure.

…the next chapter points out that our achievements and failures are a direct result of our thoughts. "A man can only rise, conquer, and achieve by lifting up his thoughts. He can only remain weak, abject, and miserable by refusing to lift up his thoughts." Mr. Allen also points out that there's no achievement without sacrifice. … In this context, sacrifice doesn't mean pain or meager living. It means working smart and hard now for a while so that you can begin a long and pleasant life.

…in chapter six, Mr. Allen writes about the need for people to have a vision for their lives. He finishes the chapter with this sentence: "The vision that you glorify in your mind, the ideal that you enthrone in your heart-this you will build your life by; this you will become."

…the last chapter regards two benefits of wisdom: freedom from fear and self-control.

"Everyone in this prison, myself included, could've avoided this fate if they wanted to," Mr. L'bleak says, "by just understanding and practicing what James Allen wrote. I'm sorry I didn't learn that years ago along with Sage."

"So am I, Simon. So am I," whispers Sage.

"Can someone be too old to learn from this book?" I ask.

"No," he replies. "It may be too late for an idiot like me to avoid paying the penalty, but it's never too late to gain wisdom. Amazing things occur, even miracles, when someone works at improving his or her life."

I hear the now-familiar click of the lock, clang of the door, and heavy footsteps. "Five minutes," a guard calls out.

"I've told you everything I know, so far, about how to avoid dangerous people and situations, and the power of your thoughts as an early step to improving your life."

"And it was exactly what we needed to hear, Simon. You delivered, just as you promised. Thanks," says Sage.

"What's next," he asks, "going to see Gabriel?"

"No. Ayo next, and then Gabriel," she replies. "We each contribute what we know best. Together, I think it'll be a complete package."

"You're a lucky kid, Peter," he says.

"Huh?"

"You're damn lucky she's figured out how to succeed and has taken an interest in helping you do the same."

"Right now, it's still an experiment," Sage says.

"Three minutes," a different guard calls out.

"Kid, you can write me if you have any questions," Mr. L'bleak offers.

"Thanks, I will. And thanks for the book."

"Thanks for visiting, I'm sorry you have to leave," he mumbles as we shake hands. "So long, Sage."

"I'll call soon, especially when I hear something about the appeal," she says.

We are the last to leave the room. We step out together, and then Sage and I wait, listening to the sound of fading footsteps as a guard ushers Mr. L'bleak back to his cell.

“Our turn,” says Sage, turning and leading me in the opposite direction.

Chapter 7, Part 1

*Bobby Guise and Gary Thorton are fictional composite characters. Any resemblance to any actual person, alive or dead, is coincidental.

Socratic Method questions for Chapter 7

Understanding the Guide